It hit me.

The society we live in pressures a lot of the our young people to look, act, and dress a certain way. Unfortunately, almost all of us get this feeling this way at one point in our lives. I never thought that I would be the affected by the society but it hit me. I started to feel very self-conscious last year and I began to be very concerned with my weight. It was after I started to get in tune with the media that I became this way. Unfortunately, I still feel that way sometimes and it gets hard. I find myself comparing who I am and how I look to everyone around me. It is not a good feeling at all and I realize that it is all a mental thing. I have allowed everyone around me to dictate who I am and I hate how it hit me. But over the past year I have been testing myself and trying my best to see my worth. I now realize that I am worth so much more than these people in the media make me feel like i am. I pray that all those who are negatively affected by the media realize their worth one day, and see that they are the only ones who can determine who they want to be see as.

Definition please?

I attended a workshop this past week for my University Studies class as a freshman and it was called Motivation. The motivation seminar basically discussed failure and what it truly means to fail. They asked us what we think failure truly means. People said various things as their definition of failure but the one that stuck out to me was “quitting.” The instructors said that Albert Einstein and many other inventors were not considered failures because even though they took a while to create what they did, they never stopped trying. I completely agree with this because quitting is the only way that one can fail. If you never try, then you will never know. But one young man asked the question, “If failure means quitting then how come when we do not do so well in a math class they say its considered failing and they make us take it over and over again?” Everyone found this question quite amusing but as I looked over at the instructors, they were puzzled as to how to answer the question. I cannot remember what they said but I do remember thinking that people like to put their own definition of things but feel as though they can change it to make it what they want to make it as. I mean I understand some definitions stick like water has the same definition universally. But even lying- some people try to get out of being called a liar even though they clearly lied. We try to find our way out of a lot of things and we like to make certain words apply to us and make other words refrain from entering our minds. It just amazes me how we try to justify our actions and create our own meanings of things that should stick the same. I guess there is no set universal definition for anything if people make their own definition for everything. Right?

The corruption!?!??!?

Growing up as a Seventh-day Adventist has made things a lot easier, yet harder at the same time. Understanding the principles and doctrines of the Seventh-day Adventist church, I never questioned anything I learned in Bible class. Ever since this class has begun, I have been thinking about some of their teachings. For example, if we are eventually going to heaven, then why should we go to school or work? I mean I know in the meantime, we should do something with our lives but why should we use all our money to pay for schooling or a big house? If we are all supposed to be God’s missionaries why doesn’t the church influence us to give up certain luxuries so we can give to the poor? I’m from Maryland and there is a church back home that is kind of like Loma Linda University or La Sierra University church. This church is a perfect example of a corrupt SDA system. It spent most of its money to renovate an already perfect building. It’s a beautiful church, but why? Why must they use all that money towards the church instead of their affiliated schools, which is not just a university but also a high school and elementary school? Not only do they work on the interior of the church but also during the service there are about a billion advertisements about the church alone (okay I’m exaggerating but it sure feels like a billion). I just do not understand it. I mean if we, as humans, are trying to pretend then that’s one story, but a church is supposed to be a gateway to getting closer to God- it is not supposed to be a reflection of our sins. I’m not saying that the church’s appearance should look a mess but the money should be used towards more necessary things. Also, we should allow everyone and anyone to come and worship. That church does not even allow homeless people to sit in the front row sometimes (depending on the preacher, the senior pastor allows it). I just do not understand our purpose here on earth. If we are SDA’s, and we believe that we are the true religion, should we not act that way? It’s all just too much to question. But I will ask Jesus when He returns J

Messed up System

So I recently watched Law Abiding Citizen and there was one scene in particular that stuck in my memory throughout the course of the movie. The movie is about this man whose family was murdered in front of his own eyes, and over many years, he begins to take revenge on each and every person and organization that allowed the murder to get away. So eventually they found out that he was the one who murdered the man who murdered his family and he is sent to jail. He basically works the system so that the courts give him whatever he wants and as he is in his jail cell he secretly kills everyone. The one scene that was so big to me was when they were in the court room and Jamie Foxx was trying to put him into jail. The man, being very precise, finds his way out of going to jail and he stops the judge and basically calls her stupid for ultimately allowing him to leave just because he worded his phrases right even though he was the one who committed the crime.

This scene made me realize that the government is a messed up system. There is also this documentary on this woman whose daughter was denied help and health care. They made the family move to so many hospitals and finally they only operated on the child for 30 minutes before she died. It's so sad that someone would deny someone help when it's there job to provide it.

I don't know about you, but I don't understand why the government has to be so..."mean". I mean i understand that they must be strict because there are some tricky people, but the government can be pretty stupid at times. Even though I understand that people have to do what they have to do although it's wrong, who is to say they have to? I guess if they don't, they lose their jobs. It's just a big circle... a circle of good and bad.

Now I Understand

When I was younger, talking about my future with my parents was always difficult. They would sit down with me and ask me what I wanted to major in and what I could see myself doing in the future. To be honest, it always made me uncomfortable to tell them how I truly felt about my future because it's not what they wanted to hear. I know for a fact that they were looking for an answer along the lines of a doctor or a nurse, but to their dismay, that answer never would come out my mouth. I remember always expressing to them how much I struggled with Math and Science, and that I could not live my whole life dealing with either. I told them that English was more of my subject. Unfortunately, my feelings never stuck in their heads. Whenever I said that they would always say "you can push yourself" and "you can learn to love it." I finally gave up on trying to persuade them because it was pointless- i felt like they would never understand. I concluded that they were just selfish and they just wanted to parade me around. Eventually, I gave in and I said that I would do Optometry, which was probably the worst decision I could have ever made. I only said that so that they would leave me alone about the whole thing but this actually made it worse. My dad even put up a poster of an eye in my room when I was sleeping lol. When I entered college, I told them that I could not promise them this profession because it was not truly what I wanted. They were so disappointed in me. I felt so bad; I kind of felt like I owed it to them. But I stuck to my decision and as of right now I am undecided.

After thinking hard about this issue I was having, I realized that I was wrong about their intentions. Being an Indian in America made me very pressured to think that they wanted me to be a doctor. However, the only reason they were suggesting that idea was because having a job right after college is more likely when doing medicine. They just wanted me to have an easier life; they did not want to see me struggle. I felt so bad after realizing this. I honestly felt like our Indian society was pressuring them. Most of my cousins are doctors, which in turn made me feel as though I had to be one too. So why did I go through this? Why did I think that society controlled my parents influence on me? Well, in a way it did. They wanted me to survive in society but they were not looking out for what I wanted, just what I needed. As of right now, I am still confused as to what I want to be but I realize that whatever I do I have to be the best at so that I can get a job and be successful.

You Thank God?

I wasn't really sure if I should write about this or not but I decided that it's actually something that I would like to have people's opinions on. I'm not sure how I truly feel about this topic but it seems quite controversial.

Well, I used to watch a lot of the music award shows when I was younger and I use to wonder why almost every celebrity thanks God in their speeches. I understand that a lot of people believe in the all-sustaining, all-powerful God like I do but I don't see why they would think that God is blessing them. I mean, I guess he is because their fame is rising but a lot of those people who thank God in their speeches are the same one's who curse and degrade women in their music. Now, I'm not one to judge someone's faith, which is why I was unsure about writing about this topic because it is hypocritical, but it's still a question of mine. I don't see why the same people who curse and don't even mention God in their songs think that they can proclaim to the world that they thank God for blessing them. The problem is that I really don't know who is blessing them;I don't know if God is the one helping them or if it's some other source.

James 3:10, 11 says "Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring?" I know that the Bible is not a reliable source in this class but when referring to God and the issue of praising Him and cursing men with the same mouth, this verse is the first thing that pops into my head. The verse says that we can't curse men and praise God with the same mouth.

It bothers me that these celebrities think that they can do this. Most of them grew up in the church and I guess that they automatically feel like thanking God is the right thing to do. But I don't see how they feel like it's okay to degrade women and curse men in their music.

I'm not saying that I am perfect so this topic is really hard to put up. I guess I just wanted to see what the responses would be. Maybe God does for a reason- maybe God blesses them for an ultimate purpose that we can't see right now. Whatever the case may be we should still try our best to live our lives the way God would like us to, or at least a life that does not question itself.

The Average Hypocritical Christian

Being brought up in a Seventh-day Adventist home and society, I was programed to follow certain rules- no TV on Fridays, no spending money on sabbath- stuff like that. I was brought up to keep all these rules and my parents would advise me to carry on these traditions past living in their home. Back in Maryland, all my friends were basically brought up in the same manner. But the difference with us from the other strict SDA families was that we did not necessarily follow all the rules. We went to church on Friday and Saturday but as soon as nightfall came, we partied hard. It was like Sabbath and the point of keeping the Sabbath was thrown out the window. Now, even though I thought about this while I was doing it some nights, I continued to follow the crowd. I remember one day in church, we read this bible verse that basically said that we should not be lukewarm for God- it's either we are fully with him or fully against him. And I asked myself, am I fully for him? Is me keeping the sabbath from Friday night to Saturday night defined as fully for him? I realized that I was not fully for him if this was the lifestyle I was going to keep up. It's hard. It's hard to fight temptations and the crowd. I want to be strong and follow Christ all the way, and I try to. I started to substitute partying and doing things that are not according to His will, with things like bowling or laser tag. But the problem came into play when I had to tell my friends I could not go to parties on Friday. I used to act like I was tired or my family had dinner at their house, but I finally got the courage to stand up for Christ like He stood up for me. Coming to college made me realize that I had to keep this practice up. I had to try to keep fighting temptation. I know I realized this at a young age but I pray for all those who have not felt this yet. I'm not saying that I'm right and everyone else is wrong, I guess it's all personal opinion. In college I have complete freedom- I can break the rules of my faith or stay tuned to it. I broke it a couple of times already and paid for it, but I think I'm starting to see that being hypocritical is natural. For example, I'll see many people in church praising God, but later that same day partying it up. I used to be one of them until I realized that God was worth missing a party or two. He was worth keeping my faith when many around me are not. I'm not condemning anyone because I am definitely not a saint or a perfect christian but it's just something to think about.