Now I Understand

When I was younger, talking about my future with my parents was always difficult. They would sit down with me and ask me what I wanted to major in and what I could see myself doing in the future. To be honest, it always made me uncomfortable to tell them how I truly felt about my future because it's not what they wanted to hear. I know for a fact that they were looking for an answer along the lines of a doctor or a nurse, but to their dismay, that answer never would come out my mouth. I remember always expressing to them how much I struggled with Math and Science, and that I could not live my whole life dealing with either. I told them that English was more of my subject. Unfortunately, my feelings never stuck in their heads. Whenever I said that they would always say "you can push yourself" and "you can learn to love it." I finally gave up on trying to persuade them because it was pointless- i felt like they would never understand. I concluded that they were just selfish and they just wanted to parade me around. Eventually, I gave in and I said that I would do Optometry, which was probably the worst decision I could have ever made. I only said that so that they would leave me alone about the whole thing but this actually made it worse. My dad even put up a poster of an eye in my room when I was sleeping lol. When I entered college, I told them that I could not promise them this profession because it was not truly what I wanted. They were so disappointed in me. I felt so bad; I kind of felt like I owed it to them. But I stuck to my decision and as of right now I am undecided.

After thinking hard about this issue I was having, I realized that I was wrong about their intentions. Being an Indian in America made me very pressured to think that they wanted me to be a doctor. However, the only reason they were suggesting that idea was because having a job right after college is more likely when doing medicine. They just wanted me to have an easier life; they did not want to see me struggle. I felt so bad after realizing this. I honestly felt like our Indian society was pressuring them. Most of my cousins are doctors, which in turn made me feel as though I had to be one too. So why did I go through this? Why did I think that society controlled my parents influence on me? Well, in a way it did. They wanted me to survive in society but they were not looking out for what I wanted, just what I needed. As of right now, I am still confused as to what I want to be but I realize that whatever I do I have to be the best at so that I can get a job and be successful.